My Story - An Exciting and Challenging Childhood

I thought I should tell you a little about me so you can have some context for my values, beliefs and most of all, my optimism. Over the next three days I will share parts of my life, some are painful, some are glorious – all of these experiences shaped my vision and values.

I am an unapologetic optimist, not because I see the world through rose-colored glasses or have Pollyannaish sensibilities – it’s because I have been a student of DreamMakers all my life. My life has been a journey of discovering, witnessing and being a part of extraordinary things DreamMakers have accomplished. My parents are the two greatest DreamMakers I have ever met. They are the two most remarkable people I know. I must have circled around this planet, negotiating with God, saying, “I don’t want to come through until these two wonderful people come together”. 

My parents came from very challenging beginnings.  Mom lost her mother at the young age of seven and her father deserted her and her siblings. They were moved four times to different homes by the time she was ten years old. However, my mother being the oldest was determined to keep all the kids together. At the age of seven she became her siblings defender and protector. Life was hard; my mother even suffered abuse, but she escaped through books. She journeyed around the world through the stories she read, imagining herself in exotic places and cultures. Her most cherished dream however, was to have a family and give them the love and support she missed as a child. 

My father was the second oldest of 12 children, he lived in extreme poverty in the inner city of Detroit, Michigan. His passion was the arts; he was gifted with a beautiful, classical baritone voice. He also played every wind instrument, sculpted and wrote poetry and short stories. In spite of his many talents his mother told him that his dreams of singing and performing around the world were unrealistic.

When my parents married they consciously created a vision of the family and the life they wanted to create together. They committed to a set of values to guide their decisions and actions. My parents succeeded in making their dreams come true. Dad sang and performed all over the world; he even performed on national television. He produced elaborate USO shows with audiences of more than 10,000 people. He also recorded an album and wrote a children’s book. My mom’s vision of a family bonded by love also came true. She was at the heart of creating love beauty and joy in our home. Her family was the center of her life and to this day we are extraordinarily close. Her vision of traveling to exotic places was also fulfilled; we lived in Alaska, Arizona, Kentucky, and the country of Panama. 

Mom and dad not only created a loving environment for us, they extended that love to others.  My parents believed in community. Every place we lived they formed youth clubs. Our house was always bustling with people. When someone, anyone, was hurting emotionally, physically or financially, my parents not only stepped in to help, they often times opened our home to those in need. I remember coming home from school to find an abused wife who found the courage to leave her husband because she had a place to stay. Another time I came home to find a family that had lost everything in a fire. On three separate occasions, my parents took in children that had been abandoned by their parents; they raised two of them as their own.  While living in Panama I came home one day to find an eighty-pound ocelot, a member of the tiger family, living with us. The tiger had been a ship mascot that was abandoned by its owners. Even my parents realized they went too far that time when the tiger took over our home. 

There were times, many times when I resented those “disruptions” however my parents worked very hard to help me understand that – “As for the grace of God, there goes me”. I did not except that explanation then, however today, I am a far better person because of all those people who shared our home. They taught me a great deal about life and the capacity to “bounce back”. My parents gave me a great gift, they taught me to value people and community.

Life was not without tremendous struggles and challenges but I never saw my parents submit to fear or defeat, even in the face of public humiliation. During the days when segregation still existed on military bases, my father, in an attempt to enlighten his fellow soldiers, gave a speech on brotherhood in the “White” section of the mess hall – or should I say on top of the table that was reserved for “Whites Only”. He told me he was neither arrogant nor hostile; he simply needed to speak his truth. My father was put in jail for five days. Needless to say to say, people were not ready to hear his truth. 

While he was in jail he meditated and continued to hold love in his heart. The commander, the chaplain and many others visited him and were humbled and softened by his love. This was a defining moment in his life. When he was released he was asked to go around the country to help desegregate military bases. I remember the first time dad told my brothers and I about this life-changing event in his life. We were very young - six, seven and eight - but old enough to know we were being told something very important, something we needed to learn from. As he told the story he cried (he still does every time he recounts it). His relenting message to us was, and still is today “But don’t you ever hate, love is the answer”. My parents faced many challenges when we were growing up and yes there were tears, especially when injustice touched their children– but there was never defeat. 

During my early childhood, my father’s job continued to focus on bringing racial harmony to military bases. As a result, we were frequently one of the only Black families to live on base. My early years of school were in places that were not hospitable to Blacks. The elementary school environment in the South in the early 60’s provided a particularly tough testing ground for my brothers and I. Of course my family experienced all of the intended and unintended humiliations Black Americans in the South had to endure: separate drinking fountains; prohibited from using public restrooms and being barred from eating in restaurants.  Because we were often the only black families on base, so we also experienced some very tough personal challenges. 

Living in Fort Campbell, Kentucky we were called me the “N word” 30, 40 times a day – and not just by the children. When we would go out to play the children would lock their arms and sing “tick tock the game is locked no niggers can play.” - it was a ritual. But very early my parents prepared us to navigate through those tough times. Every morning before I left for school my father would make me stand before the bathroom mirror, look at myself and repeat seven times “I am healthy, happy, beautiful, intelligent, loving, loved and wise”. I remember thinking to myself, “and you are crazy”. 

When I came home from school after encountering many challenges, I would complain to my mother. My mother holds deeply the value of personal responsibility. She would listen patiently but she would always respond by saying “yes baby, ok sweetheart – now what are you going to do about it?” “ People treat things like you do – How are you treating this”. So between my father, giving me a positive personal vision of myself, and my mother teaching me the value of personal responsibility, I was able to navigate through some tremendous obstacles. 

The most important defining moment of my life came very early in my life; I was in the 5th grade. We were planning the fifth-grade spring play. All the fifth grade classes gathered in the gymnasium. I had chosen a seat way up high in the bleachers so I could see; for a ten year old, it felt like sitting at the top of the Coliseum. I was so excited about the whole thing and remember hoping I would get a part in the play; and I did. The teacher was standing on the gymnasium floor and shouted up to me  “Michele, this is your role”. She then began to imitate a person picking cotton while she sang “Cotton needs a pickin’ so bad, oh Lordie, help me pick some cotton”. She then pointed to me and said, “Now come on down here and practice your role”. I was stunned, embarrassed and hurt, but I got up and started down those bleachers. I vividly remember that my feet were very heavy; it felt like they were immersed in concrete. However, on the way down something magical happened, I started repeating in my mind “I am healthy, happy, beautiful, intelligent, loving, loved and wise.”  By the time got to the gym floor I felt light, strong and confident. I had not only tapped into the positive vision of myself that my father had given me, I had also taken the personal responsibility to not play that role – a gift from my mother.  When I got to the gym floor, I looked at my teacher, who I believe had no bad intentions, she was just naive, and I walked out of the gymnasium, out of the school and I walked home.  I remember sitting on the steps of our military housing unit waiting for my parents to come home. I felt happy. It was a beautiful spring day and I can still see the bright yellow dandelions that were in full bloom in the field in front of our housing unit. It was one of the best days of my life. I sat there until my parents came home from work. I didn’t run to them in fear, anxiety or hurt – I went to them full of pride. I had made the decision that was nurturing, just and healthy for me. It had been my parent’s gift of the power of vision and values that had guided me.

The defining moments in our lives rarely come from comfort and safety. As we look at the challenges we face in our lives and our world today, do we have the courage and the vision to transform this chaos and turmoil into opportunities to create a better world?

May all your beautiful hopes and dreams come true!

Michele

www.dreammakers.org